Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Joanne Gilhooly - Psychotherapist & Counsellor - Dublin City

B.A. (Hons) Counselling & Psychotherapy, Dip. Gestalt, MIACP

Dublin Counselling and Psychotherapy Blog

Blog

Why 'Good Enough'?

Posted on September 23, 2012 at 9:05 AM
 
The term ‘good enough’, as used by many therapists, stems from the work of D.W. Winnicott, a psychoanalyst and object relations theorist who used it in relation to the mothers and children he worked with.  The good enough mother, though less than ‘perfect’, is good enough to be able to care for her child in a way that helps them to develop high self-esteem, good ego strength, and a strong sense of self.  
 
The good enough mother, according to Winnicott, is actually more effective than the mother who does not know when to step back. While there is a time in the infant’s life that they need constant care, there also comes a time when the mother needs to step back a bit so the child can grow and learn for themselves. If mother is unable to let go when the child reaches this stage, the child may become overly dependent and have difficulty developing the confidence they need to explore their own way of being, their own values, beliefs, choices and sense of self as they grow. The good enough mother knows when to let go, when to stand back and let her child take the initiative.
 
Applied to the self, ‘good enough’ indicates the ability to‘be’ or do-nothing-more-for-now, after a period of hard work, knowing when you have reached your unique and very personal limit. Just as the good enough mother is in tune enough with her child to know when she needs to step back, beinggood enough with oneself means knowing when we have given our best and it istime to rest and give ourselves a pat on the back, no matter how small the achievement may seem.
 
Perfectionism might be defined, in part, as the inability to step back, to let go, to accept where one is at. In this space, acceptance of difficulty, of struggle and of vulnerability, is anathema. The overriding feeling is that one is never good enough and that only by continual striving and forcing of personal limits will one reach a point at which they will feel ok.
 
This can result in a kind of paralysis or ‘stuckness’ in which the person can neither find the energy to go forward, but cannot allow themselves to be where they are at. Compassionate acceptance of personal limitations can help a person to make the shift out of this ‘life paralysis’, into a more relaxed, grounded and reflective space. In this space, making clear decisions, dealing with daily stressors, and simply enjoying life, with all its inherent terms and conditions, becomes a possibility.
 
The pursuit of perfection, and a damning inner critic, plays a part in many emotional difficulties, such as depression, severe anxiety, OCD, and eating disorders. When the inner critic is at full throttle, the idea of having self-compassion can feel counter-intuitive, even dangerous. It can be as though if you were to ease up on the self-criticism for a moment, you might suddenly spin out of control. I use the term good enough in the title of this blog, in the hope that it might be a reminder that good enough, really is good enough, and perfection is not all that it seems.
 
In this blog I will write about all things related to counselling, psychotherapy and emotional issues. I will also try to keep in mind the overall theme of good enough, and the importance of grounding the self in reality for emotional health. Being human means that meeting difficulty is inevitable, but it can also be our best opportunity for growth, and ultimately growth is what counselling and psychotherapy are all about.
 

Categories: anxiety, counselling, depression, eating disorders, OCD, perfectionism, psychodynamic, psychotherapy

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

965 Comments

Reply golden goose
8:14 AM on August 24, 2021 
I am glad for commenting to make you know of the useful experience my cousin's girl had reading through your web page. She noticed some issues, most notably how it is like to have a great coaching mindset to let men and women with no trouble have an understanding of certain advanced topics. You truly exceeded readers' expected results. Many thanks for delivering such productive, dependable, explanatory not to mention fun thoughts on your topic to Jane.
golden goose http://www.goldengooseoutletonline.us.com
Reply curry shoes
8:15 AM on August 24, 2021 
I precisely desired to thank you very much once more. I'm not certain what I might have accomplished in the absence of the creative concepts contributed by you on such a field. It has been the fearsome problem for me personally, but seeing a specialized way you treated that forced me to jump with delight. I am grateful for this advice and in addition trust you realize what a powerful job you have been providing teaching many people through the use of a web site. Probably you've never got to know all of us.
curry shoes http://www.curry8.us
Reply yeezy
8:15 AM on August 24, 2021 
I simply desired to appreciate you all over again. I do not know what I might have tried without the entire tips and hints shown by you on this concern. It became a real troublesome concern in my view, but discovering this expert style you solved the issue forced me to leap with gladness. I will be happy for the help and trust you know what a great job you are always providing teaching people by way of your web site. I am certain you've never encountered any of us.
yeezy http://www.yeezy-shoes.us.org
Reply jordan 11
8:16 AM on August 24, 2021 
I as well as my buddies appeared to be examining the great information and facts located on your website and then suddenly I got a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to you for those strategies. Those guys appeared to be consequently thrilled to learn them and already have really been enjoying these things. Thank you for really being considerably thoughtful and then for finding certain useful resources most people are really eager to be aware of. My personal honest apologies for not expressing gratitude to sooner.
jordan 11 http://www.jordan11retro.us.com
Reply curry
8:16 AM on August 24, 2021 
I have to convey my love for your kind-heartedness for men and women who have the need for assistance with in this situation. Your real dedication to getting the message all over ended up being pretty functional and has continually encouraged those much like me to realize their ambitions. Your useful publication means a whole lot to me and somewhat more to my colleagues. Regards; from everyone of us.
curry http://www.curryshoes.us.com
Reply curry 6
8:17 AM on August 24, 2021 
Thank you for all of the work on this site. My niece really loves setting aside time for investigations and it is obvious why. All of us hear all concerning the powerful way you present vital guidance through your web blog and as well attract participation from people on the subject matter then our own princess is without question understanding a great deal. Take pleasure in the rest of the year. You're conducting a remarkable job.
curry 6 http://www.curry-6.us
Reply stone island
8:18 AM on August 24, 2021 
I have to convey my admiration for your generosity supporting individuals that really want help on this particular concern. Your very own dedication to getting the solution around became especially advantageous and has in every case helped guys like me to attain their endeavors. Your amazing useful useful information indicates a whole lot to me and further more to my office colleagues. Thanks a lot; from all of us.
stone island http://www.stone-island.us.com
Reply moncler outlet
8:18 AM on August 24, 2021 
I simply had to appreciate you yet again. I am not sure the things I might have tried without the entire creative concepts documented by you concerning such problem. It had been a very horrifying dilemma in my opinion, nevertheless considering the skilled manner you resolved the issue forced me to cry over happiness. I am just grateful for this help and hope that you really know what a powerful job you happen to be getting into educating many people thru your blog. Most probably you've never encountered all of us.
moncler outlet http://www.moncler--outlet.us.com
Reply yeezy supply
5:52 PM on August 24, 2021 
Thank you a lot for providing individuals with an extremely memorable chance to check tips from this website. It is usually very fantastic plus stuffed with amusement for me and my office fellow workers to visit your website minimum three times a week to study the fresh things you have got. And definitely, we are always satisfied considering the outstanding strategies you serve. Certain 4 ideas in this post are particularly the most suitable I have ever had.
yeezy supply http://www.supplyyeezys.com
Reply kyrie irving shoes
5:53 PM on August 24, 2021 
I want to voice my respect for your generosity in support of all those that must have guidance on this important concept. Your real dedication to passing the solution all around was certainly useful and have all the time permitted associates like me to arrive at their targets. Your amazing invaluable suggestions implies this much a person like me and even more to my fellow workers. Best wishes; from each one of us.
kyrie irving shoes http://www.kyrie6.org
Reply curry shoes
5:54 PM on August 24, 2021 
Thanks so much for giving everyone an extremely breathtaking chance to read from this web site. It is usually very good and also full of a lot of fun for me and my office peers to visit your web site no less than 3 times per week to study the newest items you will have. And lastly, I'm also certainly motivated considering the fantastic strategies served by you. Some two points on this page are unquestionably the most effective I have had.
curry shoes http://www.curry8shoes.us
Reply retro jordans
5:57 PM on August 24, 2021 
Thank you for your entire efforts on this web site. Kate enjoys getting into research and it is obvious why. My spouse and i notice all about the lively method you create both interesting and useful guides via this blog and in addition cause response from other people on that point so our girl is becoming educated so much. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You're performing a fabulous job.
retro jordans http://www.jordan-retro.us.com
Reply yeezy boost 350 v2
5:57 PM on August 24, 2021 
I and also my friends were found to be checking out the excellent key points found on your web site and then quickly I had a terrible suspicion I had not thanked the website owner for those tips. My boys are already so glad to read all of them and now have really been making the most of those things. I appreciate you for genuinely considerably thoughtful and then for using certain marvelous topics millions of individuals are really eager to discover. My honest regret for not expressing gratitude to sooner.
yeezy boost 350 v2 http://www.yeezy-shoes.us.org
Reply pg 1
11:00 PM on August 25, 2021 
I have to point out my affection for your generosity giving support to those who need assistance with this particular area. Your personal dedication to passing the message throughout had been surprisingly effective and have continually empowered ladies just like me to attain their goals. This warm and helpful suggestions signifies this much a person like me and somewhat more to my fellow workers. Thank you; from everyone of us.
pg 1 http://www.paulgeorge.us.com
Reply jordan 6
11:00 PM on August 25, 2021 
I simply had to appreciate you once more. I am not sure what I would've followed without the actual solutions discussed by you directly on such concern. Entirely was a real challenging situation for me, but looking at the skilled strategy you handled it forced me to jump over delight. Now i'm grateful for the assistance and then trust you know what a great job you are always putting in training the others by way of a blog. More than likely you haven't met all of us.
jordan 6 http://www.jordan6.us.com
Reply golden goose
11:01 PM on August 25, 2021 
Thank you so much for giving everyone a very terrific opportunity to read from this website. It can be very useful plus jam-packed with fun for me personally and my office colleagues to visit your blog minimum three times a week to study the fresh guidance you have got. And of course, I am just at all times astounded considering the cool knowledge you give. Selected 4 points in this post are ultimately the very best I've had.
golden goose http://www.goldengooseoutletonline.us.com
Reply off white
11:02 PM on August 25, 2021 
Thanks so much for giving everyone an extremely spectacular possiblity to read articles and blog posts from this website. It's always so pleasing and full of fun for me personally and my office co-workers to visit the blog not less than three times in a week to see the newest stuff you have got. And definitely, I am also actually fascinated concerning the astonishing hints served by you. Certain two areas in this posting are absolutely the simplest I have had.
off white http://www.offwhitehoodies.us
Reply jordan 12
8:46 AM on August 26, 2021 
My husband and i were glad Michael managed to round up his analysis through the precious recommendations he acquired when using the web site. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be giving for free helpful hints others could have been selling. We really do know we have got the website owner to thank for that. All of the explanations you've made, the straightforward website navigation, the friendships you can make it easier to engender - it is mostly extraordinary, and it's facilitating our son in addition to our family reckon that the idea is entertaining, which is highly important. Many thanks for all the pieces!
jordan 12 http://www.jordan12.us.com
Reply kevin durant shoes
8:47 AM on August 26, 2021 
I would like to convey my love for your kindness in support of those individuals that have the need for assistance with this concept. Your very own commitment to passing the message across turned out to be surprisingly beneficial and has constantly made people much like me to reach their desired goals. Your own warm and helpful hints and tips implies a whole lot to me and much more to my fellow workers. Thanks a ton; from each one of us.
kevin durant shoes http://www.kd10.us
Reply supreme new york
8:47 AM on August 26, 2021 
A lot of thanks for all your valuable efforts on this web site. My aunt loves carrying out research and it's really simple to grasp why. Most of us notice all relating to the powerful ways you deliver invaluable strategies by means of your blog and therefore increase contribution from people about this theme so my child has been becoming educated so much. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the new year. You are always carrying out a pretty cool job.
supreme new york http://www.supreme-clothings.us.com