Joanne Gilhooly - Psychotherapist & Counsellor - Dublin City
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Dublin Counselling and Psychotherapy Blog
Dublin Counselling and Psychotherapy Blog
Blog
Pandemic Life: Understanding Backwards and Living Forwards
| Posted on May 4, 2020 at 5:31 PM |
 Existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said “Life can
only be understand backwards, but must be lived forwards”. There is a limit to
what we can control and what we can plan for and if 2020 so far has anything to
teach us, it is that. In these pandemic days we have been plunged into uncertainty,
into a situation that will only truly be understood backwards and must be lived
forwards. There are times that we can get around this to a certain extent, we
can keep our personal world small and surround ourselves only with the familiar
and predictable. This will be boring and unsatisfying, but it does offer an
illusion of control which can be enticing. But, an illusion it is. Despite our
defensive walls, a global disaster can come along and remind us that there is
no certainty. Eventually, whether we like it or not, if we want to live in
a satisfying way, we must live forwards. We must take those tentative steps
into the unknown, however shaky they may be, however terrified we may be that
we are going to mess this up. You might mess up, of course, but you might also
learn something precious, maybe even something life-changing, that could not
have been learned in a tidy or organised way. You might even find that you have
given yourself a gift, that the messiness and unpredictability of life is
anxiety provoking, yes, but it can also be joyous and celebratory. On the other side of this coin, is when we try to live
without ever planning at all, without reflecting on the past, without
integrating our learning. We might jump from one emotional impulse to the next,
telling ourselves that we live in the moment, but instead what we find is that,
while life can be exciting, we seem to repeat the same mistakes again and
again. Remember, life can only be understood backwards, but it does need
to be understood. Slowing down and taking the time to reflect and understand
might feel boring and unexciting, but it is the other part of what makes life
satisfying. Living on impulse alone is a little like eating chocolate for every
meal. It tastes great, but it doesn’t last long, you’ll be hungry again soon,
and you’ll likely have a blood sugar/emotional crash shortly afterwards. You
need some vegetables. So, what was Kierkegaard trying to teach us? I believe it
was that satisfaction and fulfilment are only available to us when we find a
balance between the work of reflection and risk. Do your work, live
reflexively - that's important, but remember that we will be messy humans too. Sometimes, no
matter how well prepared we are, no matter how much homework we have done, we
will find ourselves unprepared (or in the middle of a pandemic). And then, we will
do our best, and while we might delight ourselves with the discovery of previously
untapped capabilities, there is also a chance that we will get it wrong. Or
both. Whatever happens, we will be living life to the full, and
that is all we can do. As that other great existential philosopher, Alanis
Morrisette, said “You live, you learn”. Onward. |
Categories: existential, existential therapy, meaning and purpose, perfectionism, Self-actualisation, Self-compassion, Self-confidence
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